Sunday, February 21, 2010

Mama Bean has posted too many links today. And it isn't even noon. Maybe evening fasting from the internet makes me overshare the next day.

I'm realizing I don't drink as much water as I think I do. Now that it's all I can drink, I seem to be getting much more. I'm also realizing I use beverages as treats, which I suppose is good, in the sense that I realize they are full of sugar and calories. I use beverages to accompany, and add pleasure to the particular activity at hand. Morning drives are more pleasant with coffee. Afternoon feedings go smoother with a bottle of ice tea. Evening television is more relaxing with hot chocolate and marshmallows. It also seems I use beverages as food, which again is kind of good, in that I acknowledge they're part of my nutritional tableau. But what it means is that my cereal breakfast on its own (without coffee) doesn't last me the morning. An afternoon with no ice tea requires a snack. So, while I could be losing weight by cutting out all these calories of things I'm not drinking right now, instead I've supplemented more food. More junk food. Which is like the opposite of what most people do during Lent. Ah, irony.

Being on the computer is a reflex. I repeatedly catch myself in the evenings turning to my screen, or laying my hand on the mouse. That mouse feels good in my hand, it makes my hand feel whole. It's like when you're driving, and the car becomes an extension of your body; the mouse is an extension of my hand, and my will. Without it, I cannot check facebook or google surinam toads (careful, this link is gross), or blog hop for hours, mindlessly. So the question is, what does this mean? Is it bad that surfing is autonomic? Should my mouse be so damn comforting?

I don't really miss drinks or unrestricted computer use, yet. It's only been a few days. I certainly haven't experienced any spiritual epiphanies. But I trust, with time, to get past the navel gazing and into some deeper reflections. Bear with me.

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