Thursday, July 7, 2011

Mama Bean is thinking about priorities and spending and priority spending and ugh

For most of our marriage, Papa Bean and I have lived in We Can't Afford It mode. Because we, uh, couldn't afford it. Whatever it was, we couldn't do it. We had a huge mortgage, we both had student debt, mine significantly larger than his, we had two cars, we wanted to eat, whatever. We couldn't afford it.

We have now reached a point where we have to stop saying We Can't Afford It. Because the reality is, we can afford most of it, if we want it. The reality is, It's Just Not A Priority. Which means we won't find room in the budget, we won't save, we won't make it happen, if it's not a priority.

Guess who defines our priorities? Us. Me + Papa Bean. It's a genius system. Because it's our money.

There's plenty we don't know or understand about it, but we're getting better, and we've enlisted the help of experts that we trust. The truth is, few people have earned the right to help us define our priorities, because it's so important that we get them right, we have to be really careful who we're listening to, y'know?

Bottom line, we still have our mortgage. And though PB's student debt is gone (hallelujah!), my student and business debt is essentially a second mortgage payment every month. Plus, as we've become more financially responsible (oh I know, it doesn't look like we have, but, y'know, see above...) we've started getting more of those things financially responsible people are supposed to have, like insurance and RESPs and stuff. And that all costs money.

Money's such a tough subject, isn't it? It's just coins and paper, but we have a relationship with it, like it's a person. And that relationship is Fraught, amiright? And it only gets more complicated when marriage turns it into some kind of weird love triangle. We spent so long in We Can't Afford It mode, I have serious guilt about spending. It creates indecision and anxiety. I waste a lot of time worrying, and that indecision often costs me opportunity and costs me money, ironically. So, we're trying on a new mode. It can be hard to say That's Not A Priority when someone's giving static. But I have to remind myself about the genius system, I have to remember we've enlisted help that matters, and I have to free myself from guilt.

Do you struggle with a poverty mentality? How do you let go of spending guilt?

1 comment:

  1. How do I get rid of spending guilt? Hmmm. Well, I just don't give a sh*t. I can't take it with me...I'm only gonna leave those little buggers so much..they need to work and earn I spend it. Life it short. Love it. Live it. Don't save it for later because later may never come.