Mama Bean doesn't always get it right

I'm usually hesitant to go into Bean's room once I've put him down for a nap, even if he is clearly making noises and not sleeping. I hesitate because, unless he's outright crying, I know he will eventually settle down and sleep, usually within half an hour.

Except when he doesn't.

Sometimes he'll jabber and flop and twiddle twaddle in his crib for an hour, and I'll listen patiently on the monitor. And call it "quiet time." And tell myself I am not a lazy mother.

Sometimes his jabbers will turn into chirpy little shrieks, which I take to mean, "Where are you? I'm bored. Come get me." And sometimes I do. Or, I call it "quiet time." And tell myself I'm not a lazy mother.

And sometimes, I just go up after an hour, and smell his poopy diaper from the hallway, and I know I've got it all wrong. And then I change his poopy diaper, and trundle him back into his trundler. And he falls asleep in five minutes.

And I tell myself I am not a lazy mother who left her son in a poopy diaper for an hour, while he made jabbery little non-sleep noises, but was obviously tired, because without his poopy diaper, he fell asleep as he normally does. Because. I'm. Not.